“First kiss, exchanged, on a beach in summer. First love, a beautiful day, which comes to take you away. It is not forgotten, when it is the first time. "Pardon this introduction to the silly nostalgia that those under 30 will not be able to know, but it is the first melody that came to my mind when I mentioned this subject." Does first love influence the continuation of our love life? ” And when we ask the question of an unrepresentative sample of the population (aka. A bunch of lightly drunk single friends on a Tuesday night in February), the first answer is without appeal: “Define already what you shut up!”
And for good reason, if for some it goes back to the first kiss in the playground, the “first love” is usually the first couple relationship which stands out from the following ones by its extreme vivacity and gives, to those who live it, the feeling. to truly love.
First love of San Diego singles is defined above all by the context in which it originates, namely the tumultuous period of adolescence. We realize that we develop feelings towards other people and the physical, sexual sexual attraction takes place. As a result, our emotions are all the stronger at this time. Our first love is charged with this desire to exist in its own right, crystallizing by itself all our other existential desires and wills.
The first love: above all a new, unique, unique experience which, like all "first times", bears the stamp of intensity. Result? Some people are going to strive for the feeling of first love all their life.
A first love forever (or almost)
This is the case, for example, of Flora, 31, a lawyer living in Luxembourg, in a relationship with the man she met when she was only 17 years old. “Between our 20s and 23s, things really went up and down, with ups and downs,” recalls the one who describes her relationship as anything but rational. “I don't know what pushed me to stay with him over the years despite the difficulties (...). But it was impossible to leave him: I had it in my skin and he too."
Despite the prejudices, some passionate relationships can indeed build gradually into stability, with the initial emotional intensity contributing to the survival of the relationship, for example for San Diego women seeking men.
Idealization and dissatisfaction
Conversely, the passion of first love and the idealization to which it is the object can contribute to the creation of unrealistic criteria on what a romantic relationship should or should be, and thus lead you to chronic dissatisfaction with your quantitative relationships. futures. If you had a very passionate first relationship (when you were young) and you let it become your ultimate reference, (...), it is inevitable that your future partners will seem disappointing or boring to you.
“I'm not going to lie to you: I meet a lot of girls, but it usually comes down to you or a relationship of a few weeks without much interest. "confides Romain. This man in his thirties has been scouring meetings without (real) tomorrow since the end of his first great love, the one he knew on the benches of the university." Since then, I find that something is always missing. " he, slightly jaded.
Other adolescents, on the contrary, experience emotionally abusive first romantic relationships with sometimes harmful consequences. “The first boy I liked was really in college. Then one day I found out that he had cheated on me. And after promising me that he wouldn't do it again, I realized that in reality he was continuing and lying to me.”, Liza, 31 y.o. has difficulty remembering.
Since then, I have always kept myself from falling in love and giving it up to someone. All of my subsequent relationships were advertised as "free" from the outset: I preferred knowing that the other was potentially seeing other girls rather than risking falling down on cheating. " An unsurprising self-defense mechanism, a maltreating first emotional attachment that can appeal to many others as well.
We often go towards what we know. “Student, I went out with a man a little older than me who made me understand that if he didn't say“ I love you ”to me, it was because I was doing nothing to give him it. ”, says Sandra, 30, in the throes of toxic relationships. “Since then, I've mostly been in similar relationships and I can't really get out of this pattern of repetition.” The solution ? Free yourself from that person's hold, but above all, disengage from the toxic bond that unconsciously pushes us to reiterate the same pitfalls in love. An often tedious psychological journey that can hardly be done without in-depth analytical work. It is better to go to a psychologist once to fix every problem in order to not suffer.
In fact, first love cannot be the only scapegoat for all our emotional ailments. Influencing does not mean setting in stone! Just because a relationship can potentially impact their next one doesn't mean it determines your romantic destiny. We can very well have experienced an abusive and destructive first love and live one or more beautiful stories afterwards: you are in no way condemned! The main advice? Treat this first unhappy experience like any other failure: learn from it, and then apply it to your next relationships. For the best, as for the worst.
The main point is that we should go further and not be stopped by one failure. Use dating websites, meet people during parties… everything is good for those who want to have a happy family in the future! Maybe there is a need to go to a psychologist but even in that situation, remember that life is going on and there is a real need to stay strong!